fantasy_junkie
06-27-2007, 02:50 AM
Genre: drama/angst
Character's Used: Lily Evans / OC
Rating: (Not sure about this ask an admin)
Type: One-Shot
This was my first FanFic I ever finished. Me and my best Friend wrote it together. She said I can post it here. I'm Jen Jen by the way. Hiya*waves* I would love to know what you guys think of it. I know it's a bit long, but it is pretty good. It's Pg-13 (for brief sex which isn't very graphic or anything). Please R&R
**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and/or settings. And in no way do I and/or Anna plan on taking profit for this story. However, Angelus is property of Jen, all rights of him pertaining to this story, belongs to her.**
Storms Of Old
I had been sleeping but something woke me. I'm not exactly sure what, but I lay there a while half way between asleep and awake, and I hear it, the sounds that remind me most of you. A summer storm was approaching, and from the sound of things it was going to be a violent one. I turned on my side, the sheet caressing my bare skin and tangling with my legs. I can see the trees in the distance swaying under the wind as it picks up, sending a cooling breeze through my open window. I sigh as the rain begins to fall, slowly at first then harder until it's coming down in sheets. A few stray drops land on my skin, cooling it as does the breeze which has gotten stronger as I lay staring out the window. The first crash of thunder is like a gun shot, lightning follows lighting up the midnight sky as if it were noon. It all reminds me of you, I wipe a few stray tears from my cheeks and turn my attention back to the storm, away from the painful memories of us.
I sit here and wonder about how you are doing. Time here passes slowly. Though I think I should not be here. I send you reminders of long ago. Never wanting you to forget of what we had. I send you something I know will crack your memories open, so they pour out. Not only into your mind, but out of your body. So let the sounds and lights fill your mind with the old. Let my breeze heighten your senses. You can fight the memories, but they will work their will through your veins.
The storm is getting more violent by the minute, it's almost as bad as the one, but I refuse to think about that. Our happiest memories are the ones that cause the most pain. James comes in to shut the window. I tell him to leave it, he protests but leaves the room. I wish I could say he left me in peace but I've had no peace since you left. I fight harder against the waves of memories flooding my brain, trying to drown me. This happens a lot lately, things remind me of you. The summer storm is simply the last in a line of many lately. I saw your sister yesterday, you know how I've always loved her, but I couldn't bring myself to speak to her and she didn't try to speak to me either. We watched you leave that night. Do you know what that's like? Of course you don't, we're still here. You left us behind, left us to morn and to bleed, to wait for the day that we will possibly see you again. I hope you're not watching me now. Watching the tears stream down my cheeks, watching me bury my face in the pillow to hide my sobs. Lightening splits the sky, thunder rumbles through the valley. I am thankful because it covers the sound of my sobbing which the pillow can no longer conceal. Storms marked our lives, when we met it was storming, when we first made love it was storming, and the night you left.....it was storming then too. I can remember all of these as though they happened yesterday, I wish I could forget but I can't. They are forever etched in my heart and in my mind in perfect clarity. Every moment, every kiss, every tender caress, every argument, every misunderstanding, and of course the night you left. I try fighting them but it's nights like this that they wash over me, grinding the bits of my broken heart to powder. I can't help but remember the first time we met....
You fight the memories, but I will be heard. I know there are reminders of me you see everyday. My sister as one, but she hurts when she looks upon your face as well. The night I left was the hardest and easiest thing I have ever done. I feel the impacted my leaving had on all. And I hope the next time you see me is a long way from now. I watch you ever day, but tonight I intervene. Wishing I could be the one to wipe those tears I made fall from your eyes. But I carry on with the painful reminders. The lights and sounds not touching you, but never the less hurting you. You know what this signs mean. I wouldn't let you forget. Selfish as it seems. You do push them away, but I send you these signs to remind you of old.
I was sitting in Divination, dozing in the too hot, incense scented room. Thunder roared outside the window, and the usually dim classroom was illuminated from time to time by flashes of lightening. I was never sure what alerted me to your presence, but I looked up into the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Dark brown with forest green ringing the pupil. I must have been staring because at first I didn't hear you ask me if you could sit down. Your voice was deep and soft, like velvet it caressed my ears. I sat up in my chair and told you of course you could. You were new to the school, a transfer from Durmstrang. You told me your name was Angelus. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying that it fit you well, that you did indeed have the face of an angel. I managed to keep my voice steady when I told you that my name was Lily. Then you smiled at me, a smile that could melt even the coldest heart. Luckily I was saved from further conversation by the professor's announcement that we were to begin brushing up on our palmistry. I hated palm reading, hated touching peoples sweaty hands and trying to see their future. That day however it didn't seem so bad. You took my hand in your much larger one and began to lightly trace the lines on my palm with your finger. I never admitted this to you but it sent chills down my spine. You frowned when you got to my life line, commenting on it's unusual shortness. I merely laughed, stating emphatically that I didn't believe in such foolishness. You smiled again and told me that there were many unexplained things in the world. It was my turn to read your palm and I swallowed hard praying I could keep up my calm facade. My insides were a jumble, I had fairies in my stomach. I traced my finger gently over the lines of your hand, and I swear I saw a spark. Class was nearly finished when I came to your life line. I joked that yours was shorter than mine. You gave me a sad look, and told me you knew. I couldn't help but ask if you truly believed in this stuff. You merely chuckled and repeated that there were many strange things in the world.
I walked into a hot, smelly tower. As I look for a seat a flash of lightening came across the window, and I spotted you. You're hair as red as flame. I walked up to you and you stared at me with the most beautiful, emerald green eyes. At this moment, I knew who you were. You kindly let me take the seat next to you. This had been my first class at a new school. I was from Durmstrang, and yet you do not look your nose down at me. I told you my name and you told me yours. Even though I already had known. As we began the lesson of Palmistry I took your small hand in mine. Your skin was like clouds. It took me a while to focus on the task we were suppose to be doing. As I ran my finger lightly over your palm. I kept my eyes away from your life line. Keeping it for last. I finally couldn't find any other lines to read and came to your life line. Finding it the way I thought it would be. Short. I tried to keep my emotions to myself, but you saw. You giggled. The sound made my mind dance. You told me that this was foolishness. Then my turn came and you began to trace my lines. An electric shock had sparked between your finger tip and my palm, but I did not react. You came to my life line to see it was shorter than your. Your giggles making my brain dance for a moment before I came back to earth. My emotions had shown themselves for the second time in your presents. You asked me of what I could not tell you. I chuckled and told you there were many strange things in the world. But we would found out how strange and cruel they would be.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have told you to sit elsewhere, that I didn't talk to strangers. I'd have told you anything no matter how stupid, no matter how obvious that it was an excuse just so you'd go away. Then I'd avoid you for the rest of our years in school together, yes I'd avoid you like you had the plague. That's not true you know, I would have done exactly as I did that day. I always was addicted to you. Even after we broke up, we stayed friends. I never had friendly feeling towards you, but I pretended to. I think you knew that. I think you did the same. The storm seems to have quieted a bit. I can hear Harry crying but I can't summon the energy to get out of bed to tend to him. Fortunately James picked him up and begins singing to him, effectively negating my need to do it. He's a good father and a good husband, but he's not you. I guess I'm just selfish. I have more than most women could ever dream of and I want you, only you, always you. Our time together was too short, an eternity would have been too short. I can hear James open the bedroom door and softly call my name. I keep my back to the door, close my eyes and don't answer him. Isn't it ironic that he's the one that finally got us together, though he'll never know it?
I know I should not have sat there that day. Then the events that took place afterwards would have never happen. But me too stubborn. My curiosity too great. My feelings never changing. From the day you came into my life to the day I left yours. Your scent still lingers with me. My hold on your memories wavers for a moment. I was beginning to get lost in what I was doing for you. I see your life is good now. The man you are with loves you, and you have a beautiful son together. But you yearn for more.
James had hurt me, it was the first time in a long series of disappointments and it was too much. I sat by the water with my head on my knees crying. James. We'd been friends for months. We met every evening by the lake. That night was different from the others, and marked the change in our relationship. A change that would have effects on us and those around us for years to come. That night I arrived first, and was very glad of it. James and I had started getting close, and I had finally decided to give him a chance. That was my first mistake. My second was to go looking for him to tell him so. I found him, in the common room, snogging his ex-girlfriend Kat. She just looked at me and smiled. I left and headed to the lake, cursing myself for being a fool the whole way there. Finally sinking to the ground in tears. I don't know how long I was there but it couldn't have been long. You were never late to meet me, and it was close to the time I should have left when I arrived at the lake. My first indication of your presence was you're soft, warm hand on my shoulder. You didn't ask me at first what was wrong, you just let me cry sitting there, with your hand on my shoulder. When my sobs finally died down a bit you asked what had happened. I know you'd never seen me cry before, and that my tears bothered you. I told you it was nothing, only to be told that I wasn't the type to cry over nothing. I sobbingly told you the whole story, and you comforted me, at first. Then you said I was being silly. That made me angry and I started to shout at you that I wasn't being silly. Your temper was as quick as mine that day, and for once the storm was between us, and not in the sky. You started to shout at me, if I hadn't been so angry I probably would have been scared. You'd never shouted at me before, we'd never argued. You told, well yelled at me that there were much better guys in this school than James Potter, that there was someone meant just for me here. I stopped shouting then and asked snidely who exactly that was. You surprised me when you cupped your hand against my cheek, and told me softly that it was you, that you were meant for me. I was shocked, I couldn't speak. You smiled, and kissed me. It was our first kiss. There's nothing like a first kiss, or so I've been told. I only know that there is nothing in the world like kissing you.
I still in my stubbornness decided to see you. We became fast and close friends. Our nightly meetings were the highlights of my first few months in that new place. But that last night we meet was different. And things that were said were honest, but should have been kept secret. I arrived that night on time, but with heavy heart. I saw you crying. Weeping for someone, at the time, who did not care for you. I walked up and did the only thing I could do with out letting myself loose control. I place my hand on your small shoulder. I let you get out whatever you needed to get out. When, you calmed I asked you what had happened. It ripped my insides to see you like this. But I knew you were not one who cried easily. After you told me what had taking place I was there for you. Letting you get it all out. But what you told me started something in my chest. I told you simply his was nothing. The screaming began. I was thunder and you were lightening. You words true and piercing . My voice bellowing over yours. My emotions getting the better of me. Words that should not have been said came pouring out of my mouth before my brain could filter them. Then, you asked me the question that I had daydreamed about for months. My heart opened. My face and voice softened and I touched your fare skin with my hand and told you what I had thought ever second of the day. You to didn't speak nor move. I did what my body told me to do. I brushed my lips against yours. The sound dropped. The grounds were gone. The world stopped, and there was just me and you.
More tears, tears for you. You left me, how could you leave? Why did you do something so foolish? I sigh and turn onto my back. I will not look out the window again. I will not remember. The thunder is so loud I jump. I can't help but turn towards the window again. It's like you're calling me, demanding I remember, that I never forget. Why must you torment me so? Can't you see that I'm suffering, that I'm in pain? I know you're not the cause of all this. You thought you were doing the right thing when you left. More memories wash over me. I breathe and don't fight it. I need to learn to live in what I call the 'life after you'. I managed before you, during you was heaven, after you is hard. It hurts and it tortures. Maybe, just maybe if I can relive these memories, I can move on. Not forget but move on. I sigh and my hand reaches under the bed of its own accord, finding the shoe box of our memories. I flip the lid onto the floor, and find what I was looking for, without knowing I was looking for it. It's old and faded and wonderfully soft. Your shirt. You gave it to me, well I stole it the first night we made love. I slide it over my head, and I swear I can still smell your scent.
The breeze moves the trees and I watch you cry. How I want to be there to hold you. I feel your angry towards me. But what I did was not foolish. I watch as you turn your back on me. I will not go through this alone. I send you another reminder with more feeling than the others. We need to remember together. One last time. I need and feel this as much at you do. It hurts but you're not alone. I watch as you move to find something I did not know you had. My shirt. Something I had thought I had lost. I watch as you slip it on. And your scent of that night, my shirt went missing, fills the air around me.
I chuckle as I think of the first night we made love. We'd come close so many times, only to have you stop us. It confused me at first, but I didn't ask. It took a while before I worked passed my embarrassment and asked. What it was that made you push me away. You hastily explained that it wasn't me, that it was you. This confused me even more, I asked what you meant. You grew uncomfortable but told me about all the girls at Durmstrang you'd slept with. How you'd been looking for love in the wrong places, with the wrong people, looking for it in the wrong way. You told me that you loved me and respected me and you didn't want to use me that way. I smiled at you and ran my fingers through your hair. I told you that I loved you too and that you could never use me like that, hurt me like that. That I wouldn't press the issue but that you need to relax and let love take its course. It was weeks later before we were alone again. We'd run into the Shrieking Shack to escape a storm. There it is Angelus, another storm to mark another important event in the relationship. We sat on a dilapidated sofa near a window, wrapped in each others arms, watching the storm. I don't think we'll ever know who turned to who, or who kissed who first, but soon we were locked in a lover's embrace. We kissed each other passionately, caressing and stroking as we went. You looked up at me and asked me if I was sure. I couldn't speak, I merely nodded. That wasn't enough for you, you needed to hear the words. I can still remember how my voice sounded in my ears, so filled with desire as I told you that I wanted you, that I loved you. You kissed me then, roughly pouring out everything you felt in that one kiss. The memory of that night was always a blur. A montage of kisses and touches, of shed clothes and quiet moans. I do remember the pain, when you first entered me. I remember biting my lip to keep from crying out. I remember you kissing me and apologizing for hurting me. I kissed you and told you to forget it, that I knew it was coming, that it couldn't have been helped. I shift on my bed uncomfortably, even after all these years and all that's happened this memory still has the power to make my blood run hot. I close my eyes and I can picture us laying there after, stated. The way you stroked my hair, and my arm. We didn't talk at first, we just held each other letting our bodies cool, and our breathing return to normal. We watched the rest of the storm, in each others arms.
That night was something I regret, and wish never to forget. How I had stopped it from happening so many times before. Not wanting you to fall into the catagory of the used. Not wanting you to be one of the girls I had used to find what I wanted, what I needed. I was not happy about my past, but I was truthful nothing the less. I told you that I would never let you end up as one of them. I loved you too much. You melted me with your touch and smile. Then told me that you loved me and I could never hurt you like that. You didn't bring it up for a long time. And I was grateful. But one night coming home from Hogsmead a storm hit. The nearest shelter was Shrieking Shack. We sat down and watched the storm through the only window that had no planks on it. You were shivering so I wrapped my arms around you. I never knew who started it, but I blame it on myself. I could have stopped it. Like I had so many times before, but not this time. My will power and pride had been crushed by my love for you. My yearning for you. I asked if it was alright. You said yes and so much more. With your answer I let it all out. My worries, doubts, fears, my love, lust, and knowing of what was to come. I remember as I slowly entered you, your breath caught in your throat and I had known I had hurt you. I remembering tell you I was sorry. Even though I knew that was to be expected. I just couldn't stand the thought of hurting you in anyway. This memory runs deep inside me as I know it does in you. I can still remember the way you felt wrapped in my arms. I felt, at that moment, I was the only thing in this world protecting you from any harm, and you were the same for me.
I dry my tears, and slide out of bed. I pad through the kitchen, barefoot, still wearing your t-shirt. I need some water. My body moves almost mechanically as I reach for a glass and fill it from the tap. The cold water spills over my hand, signaling that the glass is full and that I have stood there staring off into space for too long. I emptied the glass and set it gently in the sink. As I headed back towards the bedroom I caught a glimpse of James. He was asleep on the couch, his long legs hanging over the end. I felt bad for him, he loves me and in my way I love him. I know he stayed away because he knew I needed space, needed time. I tiptoe over to him, and kiss his cheek, waking him. I tell him to go to bed, that I'll be along shortly. He nods sleepily but doesn't say a word. I think he noticed that I'd been crying but didn't want to press me for information. He knows that when I'm ready I'll talk to him, and that's true for most things. We never talk about you. You two never did manage to be anything more than civil. I can heard him settle into bed as I settle myself on the window seat. I think about turning in, about cuddling up against him, and falling into an exhausted, dreamless sleep. Then I hear the thunder, soft and in the distance. It reminds me of the day, it seems so long ago. The day that we left the path of lovers and took up the path of friends.
I watch as you get up from this torment I am putting you through. A break is what I will give you. For a break is what I need myself. You watch your sleeping husband. He is good to you. I watch as you wake him up. Something pulls at my inside. You send him off the bedroom. You think of going to join him. But we are not done for the night. I send a small reminder. We must finish what we started. The tale is not over. Reality comes to place into our trip down memory lane.
It was the end of our sixth year at Hogwarts, and you'd told me to meet you later in the Room of Requirement. I was all to happy to. I loved you, I trusted you. It wasn't until the I entered the room and saw the look on your face that I realized something was wrong. I asked but you told me to sit down, I did dreading what you were about to say. You paced the room as you explained the prophesy that ruled your life. That you would help fight the rising shadow. That you would fall saving the one who brings about the only person who can defeat it. I felt my self pale as you spoke, wondering why you were telling me this. Then you ended your speech with the words I secretly dreaded hearing, we couldn't be together anymore. You said we were better off as friends. I nodded and agreed. I promise we'd always be friends, just friends. I remember making some excuse, and I left. I wanted to kiss you goodbye but I didn't dare. I kept my tears at bay until I arrived at the common room. Thinking I was alone, I let my tears fall. Somehow I managed to find the sofa and I sat down heavily on it. Still thinking I was alone I was surprised to hear James call out my name softly. He slipped his arm around my shoulder, and hugged me close. We didn't speak that night. I cried myself to sleep on his shoulder and I awoke the next morning warm and comfortable in his arms. I thanked him for helping me the night before and he smiled and said that's what friends were for. I frowned at those word friends, it was so much like what you had said to me. My face must have betrayed my emotion because he asked me what was wrong. I told him and he was sympathetic. That's when things began to change, everything began to change.
An end to a school year. The marked man that I was. I had forgotten about what my future had for me. One night it burned and I knew it was time. Time to hurt you the way I hoped I would never have to. I thought out what was needed to be said. I sent an owl and you said you would meet me in the Room of Requirement. I got there early. Thinking of the most softest way to do this. There wasn't one. It had to be done. Cold, hard facts. As you entered the room your face went from enlighten to dread. As I know you could read on my face. The emotion I was trying to hide, but never could with you. I asked you to take a seat. Even though I was the one who needed to sit. I paced a while trying to gather my thoughts, but I just had to be truthful. You were the only other person out side my family besides Dumbledore I spoke to the prophecy about. I revealed the birth mark on my arm. The one that looked like the Dark Mark but was a like as a simple childhood scar. How I would have to fight the raising dark in order to help save those who would bring the person into this world who could defeat it. Then my mouth want completely dry I told you we could not be together. The danger was to great. But I would hold you as a friend. For I was not going to let you out of my site. For my feelings for you never changed. You wordlessly agreed and told me you had work to finish. I did not protest as you left. I shut the door behind you ask you walked out. I turn around and pressed my back to it. And cried for the first time in my life.
I curl my legs under me, shifting slightly against the uncomfortableness of the window seat. The irony is not lost on me, James hurt me and you found me in tears, We found our love for each other. You hurt me, though you were trying to save me a greater hurt and in tears I turned to James. We started dating in our seventh year, you started dating Carrie. I wish you two could have gotten along, but this period of our lives was marked with storms too. Storms between you and James, storms between Aurora and Snape. The storms that raged between us were some of the worst though, emotionally at least.
A wind blows the tree from your window again, and I watch as you shift uncomfortably. That day still gets to me as well. I had never felt so lost in my life. You ended up with a person who I disliked, but treated you well. I tried to forget you by being with another. We parted ways, but remained friends. Though we weren't as close as we once were. Your friendship with my sister grew. Then came that one storm that ruined everything. Relationships and friendships were broken, and new enemies were made.
You do remember that day don't you? It was just after we had returned from a night out. We celebrated Mike and Aurora's engagement by getting completely shnockered at The Hogshead. We had spent the night in the woods together, too drunk and stupid to go back to school with the others. We both know nothing happened that night. We drifted off to sleep almost as soon as we sat down under that tree. James had spent the night looking for me, and was less than please to find the four of us sitting next to the lake laughing and joking. He confronted me about where I had been. I tried to lie to him, not realizing he had searched literally the entire school for me. He got angry and started to shout. I tried to calm him by telling him exactly where we had been. It didn't help when you spoke up. He turned his anger towards you. He accused you of sleeping with me, and in front of your girlfriend too. I felt bad for Carrie that day. Everyone shouting and she not having any idea what was going on, she hadn't been invited to the party. Things only got worse when you accused James of neglecting me in favor of Quidditch, proving your point with how much time I spent with you and your sister. Unfortunately Snape made an appearance, and had to add his two cents in. He was surprised that the mudblood as he called me was more interested in a Ravenclaw than the Gryffindor golden boy. Aurora was in fine form that day as she punched him, sending a good three feet through the air. Unfortunately Snape's words had a violent effect on James, and he hit you. I cringed and prayed that you wouldn't hit him back, but my prayers went unanswered. Luckily that was pretty much the end of it, no serious damage, though you did break James' nose. You two went your separate ways. Carrie chased after you and I went after James. I soothed his bruised ego and healed his nose. The rest of that night is none of you business. The next day however, I heard that Carrie had broken up with you, unable to get over her jealousy issues. She'd never liked that we were best friends. I tried to talk to you, rationally, and as a friend. But that was not to be you were in a foul mood, and my damned temper got away from me. I yelled that it was unfair what you had said about James neglecting me, and that you shouldn't have hit him. You yelled that it was true. I screamed that my love life was none of your business anymore. That it had been your choice to end it. We scared everyone who happened to pass in the hall, student, and professor alike. We were thunder and lightning once again. After that we didn't really talk much. I was still close to Aurora but not as close as we once were. She didn't want to hurt you, and it hurt me to see her.
The evening had started out on a happy note. My twin sister was to be married at the end of the year. We went out to celebrate. We went to that dodgy pub in Hogsmead. We had drank so much I was surprised we made it back to the grounds. It was late and we were not of sound mind. We had fallen sleep at the edge on the Forest. The next morning was not so good. James had been panicked and was up all night searching for you. When he found you he wasn't happy to see the company you were with. You started to shout at each other. I wasn't going to have him shouting at you. I tried to help you explain. But he thought he would have a shout at me. Saying I was a cheat. That we had been together that night before. Carrie was there and she was mortified. I roared back at James. Told how he had spent most of his time playing Quidditch rather than spending it was you. Then that greasy git Snape turned up and decided to make matters worse with his 'that the mudblood was more interested in a Ravenclaw than the Gryffindor golden boy' remark. The mudblood comment had made my blood boil. Before I could do anything Aurora had punched him. Knocking him out. Before I could comment James had punched me. Foolish move. For I was bigger and my blood was boiling hot already. That row didn't last very long. I had a small bruise on my jaw, but James got the worst end of it with a broken nose. We parted ways. Carrie flipping on me for spending more time with you than her. She had enough and broke things off with me. I saw that is was time to end things with us. All things. I was very unapproachable by many people. In a very foul mood.You finally caught up with me and tried to talk things out. How a big part of me wanted to patch things up, but my mind was telling me to get rid of you. To save you. We started storming about the fight. You spitting out the piercing truth, and me bellowing my answers again. We parted that fight with our friendship ended. You remained close friends with my sister. I however made myself disappear.
I sighed and my finger tracing a wayward raindrop's path across the window pane. Things just went down hill from there. Well between us at least. I don't want to remember this part, I bury my head in my hands. It hurts too much the pain is too fresh. Lightning flashes across the garden, striking a tree in the back yard. I jump out of the window seat, never taking my eyes off the tree. Alright, I'll finish. I don't want to but the memory overwhelms me and I sink back down on the edge of the window seat. Why does it feel like you're forcing me to remember?
The rain reflects my emotions. You will never know the pain it caused me when I had to make the decision to push you out of my life. The next part is what I remember the clearest. I know you've locked this part away. But you started this journey now you must finish it. I can't do it alone. My emotions strike out again. The next part is the hardest and will be easier if we go together.
James proposed after graduation. We married in the summer. You weren't there when Lily Evans became Lily Potter. Sirius was the best man. Aurora, your sister, your twin was my matron of honor. We all joined the Order. We saw each other briefly at meetings. We never said more than a passing hello or good bye. I loved you still, and I think you loved me too. We lost many friends, but our sadness wasn't complete. Soon I was pregnant with Harry. I stayed around the Head Quarters more. My skills as a healer were useful there. I saw the looks you gave me when no one was around, and you thought I couldn't see. Were you wishing I was your wife, that it was your child I carried? I guess I'll never know. We never spoke of it, we almost never spoke. James was as active as ever, and eventually you and Aurora were assigned to take me home at night. Then came that fateful night, another storm in a series of storms. This one was so violent, we couldn't fly. We were forced to walk since I couldn't handle any other form of travel. Aurora and I were chatting amicably about Harry's christening, and who would stand god parents. I was about to ask Aurora to stand as Harry's godmother when we were startled by four Death Eaters appearing in front of us. We fought a good fight. We were outnumbered but we were winning. All because of you. You were determined to save us all. And you did, soon they lay on the ground before us unconscious. We decided to risk Apparating back to the Head Quarters, just as we turned one of the Death Eaters regained consciousness. We thought him dead, but hadn't checked. He drew his wand to curse me, and before I could even scream you were in front of me taking the hit, that would have surely killed me. Aurora hexed him as I gathered you in my arms. Together we lifted you, and Apparated away. After reporting to Dumbledore, I went to check on you, but you were gone. Aurora and I held each other for a long time and cried. James came for me later, and we went home. Harry was born a few months later. I was overjoyed about his birth but still grieving.
I had heard about the Proposal. I was far away for your wedding. The whole Order was invited, but I couldn't bare it. Aurora had tried to tell me about it but I wouldn't listen. It killed me each time I saw that ring on your finger when you waved at me. That's all we got from each other. Was a wave. I would steal glances, but you caught me from time to time. Then you became more beautiful then I ever thought you could. You were to me a mother. James was off fighting so much you need someone to take you home. Me and Aurora got placed as your guards. It was pretty routine. Nothing happened for a long time. But that night it burned again. And I knew that night I had to be alert. As you and my sister spoke of young Harry to be. I watched over you both like hawk. Then when those Death Eaters popped out of no where I sprung into action. I had thrown curse and hexes that were not aloud. I had killed what I thought was two.The other two had escaped. When we turned to leave I heard movement behind us. I had turned to see one of the Death Eaters pointing there wand at you. Without thinking a jumped in front of you and let the curse hit me.
Harry's four months old now. I wish you could see him. I can only hope that he'll grow up some day to know a love as great as I've known, with out the sadness. I stand up and dry my tears for the last time. I am going to bed, there are no more memories to haunt me tonight. I check on Harry, making sure he's tucked in, and that the storm hasn't awoken him. He sleeps peacefully and I smile. Our bedroom door is closed, and I take a deep breath as I open it. The room is dark, the storm has passed. I can make out James' sleeping form. I am as quiet as a mouse, I do not want to wake him. I slide between the sheets, and cuddle up against him. He wraps his arm around me and strokes my hair. He's asleep. I kiss his cheek, and he hugs me tighter. He's a good man, and I love him. I love you too, Angelus. But don't worry there's plenty of room in my heart for you both. Goodnight my love, where ever you may be.
And now I'm here. Watching from above. Making sure you are safe and well. I never regret ever taking that curse for you. Dyeing for you. I will watch over you and your family until the end of your days. I'm sorry I had to remind you of such things, but you needed to let go. You are safe in your husbands arms. Let him be the one in your dreams. I hear you call out. I love you too. I always will, and I will wait for you.
Character's Used: Lily Evans / OC
Rating: (Not sure about this ask an admin)
Type: One-Shot
This was my first FanFic I ever finished. Me and my best Friend wrote it together. She said I can post it here. I'm Jen Jen by the way. Hiya*waves* I would love to know what you guys think of it. I know it's a bit long, but it is pretty good. It's Pg-13 (for brief sex which isn't very graphic or anything). Please R&R
**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and/or settings. And in no way do I and/or Anna plan on taking profit for this story. However, Angelus is property of Jen, all rights of him pertaining to this story, belongs to her.**
Storms Of Old
I had been sleeping but something woke me. I'm not exactly sure what, but I lay there a while half way between asleep and awake, and I hear it, the sounds that remind me most of you. A summer storm was approaching, and from the sound of things it was going to be a violent one. I turned on my side, the sheet caressing my bare skin and tangling with my legs. I can see the trees in the distance swaying under the wind as it picks up, sending a cooling breeze through my open window. I sigh as the rain begins to fall, slowly at first then harder until it's coming down in sheets. A few stray drops land on my skin, cooling it as does the breeze which has gotten stronger as I lay staring out the window. The first crash of thunder is like a gun shot, lightning follows lighting up the midnight sky as if it were noon. It all reminds me of you, I wipe a few stray tears from my cheeks and turn my attention back to the storm, away from the painful memories of us.
I sit here and wonder about how you are doing. Time here passes slowly. Though I think I should not be here. I send you reminders of long ago. Never wanting you to forget of what we had. I send you something I know will crack your memories open, so they pour out. Not only into your mind, but out of your body. So let the sounds and lights fill your mind with the old. Let my breeze heighten your senses. You can fight the memories, but they will work their will through your veins.
The storm is getting more violent by the minute, it's almost as bad as the one, but I refuse to think about that. Our happiest memories are the ones that cause the most pain. James comes in to shut the window. I tell him to leave it, he protests but leaves the room. I wish I could say he left me in peace but I've had no peace since you left. I fight harder against the waves of memories flooding my brain, trying to drown me. This happens a lot lately, things remind me of you. The summer storm is simply the last in a line of many lately. I saw your sister yesterday, you know how I've always loved her, but I couldn't bring myself to speak to her and she didn't try to speak to me either. We watched you leave that night. Do you know what that's like? Of course you don't, we're still here. You left us behind, left us to morn and to bleed, to wait for the day that we will possibly see you again. I hope you're not watching me now. Watching the tears stream down my cheeks, watching me bury my face in the pillow to hide my sobs. Lightening splits the sky, thunder rumbles through the valley. I am thankful because it covers the sound of my sobbing which the pillow can no longer conceal. Storms marked our lives, when we met it was storming, when we first made love it was storming, and the night you left.....it was storming then too. I can remember all of these as though they happened yesterday, I wish I could forget but I can't. They are forever etched in my heart and in my mind in perfect clarity. Every moment, every kiss, every tender caress, every argument, every misunderstanding, and of course the night you left. I try fighting them but it's nights like this that they wash over me, grinding the bits of my broken heart to powder. I can't help but remember the first time we met....
You fight the memories, but I will be heard. I know there are reminders of me you see everyday. My sister as one, but she hurts when she looks upon your face as well. The night I left was the hardest and easiest thing I have ever done. I feel the impacted my leaving had on all. And I hope the next time you see me is a long way from now. I watch you ever day, but tonight I intervene. Wishing I could be the one to wipe those tears I made fall from your eyes. But I carry on with the painful reminders. The lights and sounds not touching you, but never the less hurting you. You know what this signs mean. I wouldn't let you forget. Selfish as it seems. You do push them away, but I send you these signs to remind you of old.
I was sitting in Divination, dozing in the too hot, incense scented room. Thunder roared outside the window, and the usually dim classroom was illuminated from time to time by flashes of lightening. I was never sure what alerted me to your presence, but I looked up into the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Dark brown with forest green ringing the pupil. I must have been staring because at first I didn't hear you ask me if you could sit down. Your voice was deep and soft, like velvet it caressed my ears. I sat up in my chair and told you of course you could. You were new to the school, a transfer from Durmstrang. You told me your name was Angelus. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying that it fit you well, that you did indeed have the face of an angel. I managed to keep my voice steady when I told you that my name was Lily. Then you smiled at me, a smile that could melt even the coldest heart. Luckily I was saved from further conversation by the professor's announcement that we were to begin brushing up on our palmistry. I hated palm reading, hated touching peoples sweaty hands and trying to see their future. That day however it didn't seem so bad. You took my hand in your much larger one and began to lightly trace the lines on my palm with your finger. I never admitted this to you but it sent chills down my spine. You frowned when you got to my life line, commenting on it's unusual shortness. I merely laughed, stating emphatically that I didn't believe in such foolishness. You smiled again and told me that there were many unexplained things in the world. It was my turn to read your palm and I swallowed hard praying I could keep up my calm facade. My insides were a jumble, I had fairies in my stomach. I traced my finger gently over the lines of your hand, and I swear I saw a spark. Class was nearly finished when I came to your life line. I joked that yours was shorter than mine. You gave me a sad look, and told me you knew. I couldn't help but ask if you truly believed in this stuff. You merely chuckled and repeated that there were many strange things in the world.
I walked into a hot, smelly tower. As I look for a seat a flash of lightening came across the window, and I spotted you. You're hair as red as flame. I walked up to you and you stared at me with the most beautiful, emerald green eyes. At this moment, I knew who you were. You kindly let me take the seat next to you. This had been my first class at a new school. I was from Durmstrang, and yet you do not look your nose down at me. I told you my name and you told me yours. Even though I already had known. As we began the lesson of Palmistry I took your small hand in mine. Your skin was like clouds. It took me a while to focus on the task we were suppose to be doing. As I ran my finger lightly over your palm. I kept my eyes away from your life line. Keeping it for last. I finally couldn't find any other lines to read and came to your life line. Finding it the way I thought it would be. Short. I tried to keep my emotions to myself, but you saw. You giggled. The sound made my mind dance. You told me that this was foolishness. Then my turn came and you began to trace my lines. An electric shock had sparked between your finger tip and my palm, but I did not react. You came to my life line to see it was shorter than your. Your giggles making my brain dance for a moment before I came back to earth. My emotions had shown themselves for the second time in your presents. You asked me of what I could not tell you. I chuckled and told you there were many strange things in the world. But we would found out how strange and cruel they would be.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have told you to sit elsewhere, that I didn't talk to strangers. I'd have told you anything no matter how stupid, no matter how obvious that it was an excuse just so you'd go away. Then I'd avoid you for the rest of our years in school together, yes I'd avoid you like you had the plague. That's not true you know, I would have done exactly as I did that day. I always was addicted to you. Even after we broke up, we stayed friends. I never had friendly feeling towards you, but I pretended to. I think you knew that. I think you did the same. The storm seems to have quieted a bit. I can hear Harry crying but I can't summon the energy to get out of bed to tend to him. Fortunately James picked him up and begins singing to him, effectively negating my need to do it. He's a good father and a good husband, but he's not you. I guess I'm just selfish. I have more than most women could ever dream of and I want you, only you, always you. Our time together was too short, an eternity would have been too short. I can hear James open the bedroom door and softly call my name. I keep my back to the door, close my eyes and don't answer him. Isn't it ironic that he's the one that finally got us together, though he'll never know it?
I know I should not have sat there that day. Then the events that took place afterwards would have never happen. But me too stubborn. My curiosity too great. My feelings never changing. From the day you came into my life to the day I left yours. Your scent still lingers with me. My hold on your memories wavers for a moment. I was beginning to get lost in what I was doing for you. I see your life is good now. The man you are with loves you, and you have a beautiful son together. But you yearn for more.
James had hurt me, it was the first time in a long series of disappointments and it was too much. I sat by the water with my head on my knees crying. James. We'd been friends for months. We met every evening by the lake. That night was different from the others, and marked the change in our relationship. A change that would have effects on us and those around us for years to come. That night I arrived first, and was very glad of it. James and I had started getting close, and I had finally decided to give him a chance. That was my first mistake. My second was to go looking for him to tell him so. I found him, in the common room, snogging his ex-girlfriend Kat. She just looked at me and smiled. I left and headed to the lake, cursing myself for being a fool the whole way there. Finally sinking to the ground in tears. I don't know how long I was there but it couldn't have been long. You were never late to meet me, and it was close to the time I should have left when I arrived at the lake. My first indication of your presence was you're soft, warm hand on my shoulder. You didn't ask me at first what was wrong, you just let me cry sitting there, with your hand on my shoulder. When my sobs finally died down a bit you asked what had happened. I know you'd never seen me cry before, and that my tears bothered you. I told you it was nothing, only to be told that I wasn't the type to cry over nothing. I sobbingly told you the whole story, and you comforted me, at first. Then you said I was being silly. That made me angry and I started to shout at you that I wasn't being silly. Your temper was as quick as mine that day, and for once the storm was between us, and not in the sky. You started to shout at me, if I hadn't been so angry I probably would have been scared. You'd never shouted at me before, we'd never argued. You told, well yelled at me that there were much better guys in this school than James Potter, that there was someone meant just for me here. I stopped shouting then and asked snidely who exactly that was. You surprised me when you cupped your hand against my cheek, and told me softly that it was you, that you were meant for me. I was shocked, I couldn't speak. You smiled, and kissed me. It was our first kiss. There's nothing like a first kiss, or so I've been told. I only know that there is nothing in the world like kissing you.
I still in my stubbornness decided to see you. We became fast and close friends. Our nightly meetings were the highlights of my first few months in that new place. But that last night we meet was different. And things that were said were honest, but should have been kept secret. I arrived that night on time, but with heavy heart. I saw you crying. Weeping for someone, at the time, who did not care for you. I walked up and did the only thing I could do with out letting myself loose control. I place my hand on your small shoulder. I let you get out whatever you needed to get out. When, you calmed I asked you what had happened. It ripped my insides to see you like this. But I knew you were not one who cried easily. After you told me what had taking place I was there for you. Letting you get it all out. But what you told me started something in my chest. I told you simply his was nothing. The screaming began. I was thunder and you were lightening. You words true and piercing . My voice bellowing over yours. My emotions getting the better of me. Words that should not have been said came pouring out of my mouth before my brain could filter them. Then, you asked me the question that I had daydreamed about for months. My heart opened. My face and voice softened and I touched your fare skin with my hand and told you what I had thought ever second of the day. You to didn't speak nor move. I did what my body told me to do. I brushed my lips against yours. The sound dropped. The grounds were gone. The world stopped, and there was just me and you.
More tears, tears for you. You left me, how could you leave? Why did you do something so foolish? I sigh and turn onto my back. I will not look out the window again. I will not remember. The thunder is so loud I jump. I can't help but turn towards the window again. It's like you're calling me, demanding I remember, that I never forget. Why must you torment me so? Can't you see that I'm suffering, that I'm in pain? I know you're not the cause of all this. You thought you were doing the right thing when you left. More memories wash over me. I breathe and don't fight it. I need to learn to live in what I call the 'life after you'. I managed before you, during you was heaven, after you is hard. It hurts and it tortures. Maybe, just maybe if I can relive these memories, I can move on. Not forget but move on. I sigh and my hand reaches under the bed of its own accord, finding the shoe box of our memories. I flip the lid onto the floor, and find what I was looking for, without knowing I was looking for it. It's old and faded and wonderfully soft. Your shirt. You gave it to me, well I stole it the first night we made love. I slide it over my head, and I swear I can still smell your scent.
The breeze moves the trees and I watch you cry. How I want to be there to hold you. I feel your angry towards me. But what I did was not foolish. I watch as you turn your back on me. I will not go through this alone. I send you another reminder with more feeling than the others. We need to remember together. One last time. I need and feel this as much at you do. It hurts but you're not alone. I watch as you move to find something I did not know you had. My shirt. Something I had thought I had lost. I watch as you slip it on. And your scent of that night, my shirt went missing, fills the air around me.
I chuckle as I think of the first night we made love. We'd come close so many times, only to have you stop us. It confused me at first, but I didn't ask. It took a while before I worked passed my embarrassment and asked. What it was that made you push me away. You hastily explained that it wasn't me, that it was you. This confused me even more, I asked what you meant. You grew uncomfortable but told me about all the girls at Durmstrang you'd slept with. How you'd been looking for love in the wrong places, with the wrong people, looking for it in the wrong way. You told me that you loved me and respected me and you didn't want to use me that way. I smiled at you and ran my fingers through your hair. I told you that I loved you too and that you could never use me like that, hurt me like that. That I wouldn't press the issue but that you need to relax and let love take its course. It was weeks later before we were alone again. We'd run into the Shrieking Shack to escape a storm. There it is Angelus, another storm to mark another important event in the relationship. We sat on a dilapidated sofa near a window, wrapped in each others arms, watching the storm. I don't think we'll ever know who turned to who, or who kissed who first, but soon we were locked in a lover's embrace. We kissed each other passionately, caressing and stroking as we went. You looked up at me and asked me if I was sure. I couldn't speak, I merely nodded. That wasn't enough for you, you needed to hear the words. I can still remember how my voice sounded in my ears, so filled with desire as I told you that I wanted you, that I loved you. You kissed me then, roughly pouring out everything you felt in that one kiss. The memory of that night was always a blur. A montage of kisses and touches, of shed clothes and quiet moans. I do remember the pain, when you first entered me. I remember biting my lip to keep from crying out. I remember you kissing me and apologizing for hurting me. I kissed you and told you to forget it, that I knew it was coming, that it couldn't have been helped. I shift on my bed uncomfortably, even after all these years and all that's happened this memory still has the power to make my blood run hot. I close my eyes and I can picture us laying there after, stated. The way you stroked my hair, and my arm. We didn't talk at first, we just held each other letting our bodies cool, and our breathing return to normal. We watched the rest of the storm, in each others arms.
That night was something I regret, and wish never to forget. How I had stopped it from happening so many times before. Not wanting you to fall into the catagory of the used. Not wanting you to be one of the girls I had used to find what I wanted, what I needed. I was not happy about my past, but I was truthful nothing the less. I told you that I would never let you end up as one of them. I loved you too much. You melted me with your touch and smile. Then told me that you loved me and I could never hurt you like that. You didn't bring it up for a long time. And I was grateful. But one night coming home from Hogsmead a storm hit. The nearest shelter was Shrieking Shack. We sat down and watched the storm through the only window that had no planks on it. You were shivering so I wrapped my arms around you. I never knew who started it, but I blame it on myself. I could have stopped it. Like I had so many times before, but not this time. My will power and pride had been crushed by my love for you. My yearning for you. I asked if it was alright. You said yes and so much more. With your answer I let it all out. My worries, doubts, fears, my love, lust, and knowing of what was to come. I remember as I slowly entered you, your breath caught in your throat and I had known I had hurt you. I remembering tell you I was sorry. Even though I knew that was to be expected. I just couldn't stand the thought of hurting you in anyway. This memory runs deep inside me as I know it does in you. I can still remember the way you felt wrapped in my arms. I felt, at that moment, I was the only thing in this world protecting you from any harm, and you were the same for me.
I dry my tears, and slide out of bed. I pad through the kitchen, barefoot, still wearing your t-shirt. I need some water. My body moves almost mechanically as I reach for a glass and fill it from the tap. The cold water spills over my hand, signaling that the glass is full and that I have stood there staring off into space for too long. I emptied the glass and set it gently in the sink. As I headed back towards the bedroom I caught a glimpse of James. He was asleep on the couch, his long legs hanging over the end. I felt bad for him, he loves me and in my way I love him. I know he stayed away because he knew I needed space, needed time. I tiptoe over to him, and kiss his cheek, waking him. I tell him to go to bed, that I'll be along shortly. He nods sleepily but doesn't say a word. I think he noticed that I'd been crying but didn't want to press me for information. He knows that when I'm ready I'll talk to him, and that's true for most things. We never talk about you. You two never did manage to be anything more than civil. I can heard him settle into bed as I settle myself on the window seat. I think about turning in, about cuddling up against him, and falling into an exhausted, dreamless sleep. Then I hear the thunder, soft and in the distance. It reminds me of the day, it seems so long ago. The day that we left the path of lovers and took up the path of friends.
I watch as you get up from this torment I am putting you through. A break is what I will give you. For a break is what I need myself. You watch your sleeping husband. He is good to you. I watch as you wake him up. Something pulls at my inside. You send him off the bedroom. You think of going to join him. But we are not done for the night. I send a small reminder. We must finish what we started. The tale is not over. Reality comes to place into our trip down memory lane.
It was the end of our sixth year at Hogwarts, and you'd told me to meet you later in the Room of Requirement. I was all to happy to. I loved you, I trusted you. It wasn't until the I entered the room and saw the look on your face that I realized something was wrong. I asked but you told me to sit down, I did dreading what you were about to say. You paced the room as you explained the prophesy that ruled your life. That you would help fight the rising shadow. That you would fall saving the one who brings about the only person who can defeat it. I felt my self pale as you spoke, wondering why you were telling me this. Then you ended your speech with the words I secretly dreaded hearing, we couldn't be together anymore. You said we were better off as friends. I nodded and agreed. I promise we'd always be friends, just friends. I remember making some excuse, and I left. I wanted to kiss you goodbye but I didn't dare. I kept my tears at bay until I arrived at the common room. Thinking I was alone, I let my tears fall. Somehow I managed to find the sofa and I sat down heavily on it. Still thinking I was alone I was surprised to hear James call out my name softly. He slipped his arm around my shoulder, and hugged me close. We didn't speak that night. I cried myself to sleep on his shoulder and I awoke the next morning warm and comfortable in his arms. I thanked him for helping me the night before and he smiled and said that's what friends were for. I frowned at those word friends, it was so much like what you had said to me. My face must have betrayed my emotion because he asked me what was wrong. I told him and he was sympathetic. That's when things began to change, everything began to change.
An end to a school year. The marked man that I was. I had forgotten about what my future had for me. One night it burned and I knew it was time. Time to hurt you the way I hoped I would never have to. I thought out what was needed to be said. I sent an owl and you said you would meet me in the Room of Requirement. I got there early. Thinking of the most softest way to do this. There wasn't one. It had to be done. Cold, hard facts. As you entered the room your face went from enlighten to dread. As I know you could read on my face. The emotion I was trying to hide, but never could with you. I asked you to take a seat. Even though I was the one who needed to sit. I paced a while trying to gather my thoughts, but I just had to be truthful. You were the only other person out side my family besides Dumbledore I spoke to the prophecy about. I revealed the birth mark on my arm. The one that looked like the Dark Mark but was a like as a simple childhood scar. How I would have to fight the raising dark in order to help save those who would bring the person into this world who could defeat it. Then my mouth want completely dry I told you we could not be together. The danger was to great. But I would hold you as a friend. For I was not going to let you out of my site. For my feelings for you never changed. You wordlessly agreed and told me you had work to finish. I did not protest as you left. I shut the door behind you ask you walked out. I turn around and pressed my back to it. And cried for the first time in my life.
I curl my legs under me, shifting slightly against the uncomfortableness of the window seat. The irony is not lost on me, James hurt me and you found me in tears, We found our love for each other. You hurt me, though you were trying to save me a greater hurt and in tears I turned to James. We started dating in our seventh year, you started dating Carrie. I wish you two could have gotten along, but this period of our lives was marked with storms too. Storms between you and James, storms between Aurora and Snape. The storms that raged between us were some of the worst though, emotionally at least.
A wind blows the tree from your window again, and I watch as you shift uncomfortably. That day still gets to me as well. I had never felt so lost in my life. You ended up with a person who I disliked, but treated you well. I tried to forget you by being with another. We parted ways, but remained friends. Though we weren't as close as we once were. Your friendship with my sister grew. Then came that one storm that ruined everything. Relationships and friendships were broken, and new enemies were made.
You do remember that day don't you? It was just after we had returned from a night out. We celebrated Mike and Aurora's engagement by getting completely shnockered at The Hogshead. We had spent the night in the woods together, too drunk and stupid to go back to school with the others. We both know nothing happened that night. We drifted off to sleep almost as soon as we sat down under that tree. James had spent the night looking for me, and was less than please to find the four of us sitting next to the lake laughing and joking. He confronted me about where I had been. I tried to lie to him, not realizing he had searched literally the entire school for me. He got angry and started to shout. I tried to calm him by telling him exactly where we had been. It didn't help when you spoke up. He turned his anger towards you. He accused you of sleeping with me, and in front of your girlfriend too. I felt bad for Carrie that day. Everyone shouting and she not having any idea what was going on, she hadn't been invited to the party. Things only got worse when you accused James of neglecting me in favor of Quidditch, proving your point with how much time I spent with you and your sister. Unfortunately Snape made an appearance, and had to add his two cents in. He was surprised that the mudblood as he called me was more interested in a Ravenclaw than the Gryffindor golden boy. Aurora was in fine form that day as she punched him, sending a good three feet through the air. Unfortunately Snape's words had a violent effect on James, and he hit you. I cringed and prayed that you wouldn't hit him back, but my prayers went unanswered. Luckily that was pretty much the end of it, no serious damage, though you did break James' nose. You two went your separate ways. Carrie chased after you and I went after James. I soothed his bruised ego and healed his nose. The rest of that night is none of you business. The next day however, I heard that Carrie had broken up with you, unable to get over her jealousy issues. She'd never liked that we were best friends. I tried to talk to you, rationally, and as a friend. But that was not to be you were in a foul mood, and my damned temper got away from me. I yelled that it was unfair what you had said about James neglecting me, and that you shouldn't have hit him. You yelled that it was true. I screamed that my love life was none of your business anymore. That it had been your choice to end it. We scared everyone who happened to pass in the hall, student, and professor alike. We were thunder and lightning once again. After that we didn't really talk much. I was still close to Aurora but not as close as we once were. She didn't want to hurt you, and it hurt me to see her.
The evening had started out on a happy note. My twin sister was to be married at the end of the year. We went out to celebrate. We went to that dodgy pub in Hogsmead. We had drank so much I was surprised we made it back to the grounds. It was late and we were not of sound mind. We had fallen sleep at the edge on the Forest. The next morning was not so good. James had been panicked and was up all night searching for you. When he found you he wasn't happy to see the company you were with. You started to shout at each other. I wasn't going to have him shouting at you. I tried to help you explain. But he thought he would have a shout at me. Saying I was a cheat. That we had been together that night before. Carrie was there and she was mortified. I roared back at James. Told how he had spent most of his time playing Quidditch rather than spending it was you. Then that greasy git Snape turned up and decided to make matters worse with his 'that the mudblood was more interested in a Ravenclaw than the Gryffindor golden boy' remark. The mudblood comment had made my blood boil. Before I could do anything Aurora had punched him. Knocking him out. Before I could comment James had punched me. Foolish move. For I was bigger and my blood was boiling hot already. That row didn't last very long. I had a small bruise on my jaw, but James got the worst end of it with a broken nose. We parted ways. Carrie flipping on me for spending more time with you than her. She had enough and broke things off with me. I saw that is was time to end things with us. All things. I was very unapproachable by many people. In a very foul mood.You finally caught up with me and tried to talk things out. How a big part of me wanted to patch things up, but my mind was telling me to get rid of you. To save you. We started storming about the fight. You spitting out the piercing truth, and me bellowing my answers again. We parted that fight with our friendship ended. You remained close friends with my sister. I however made myself disappear.
I sighed and my finger tracing a wayward raindrop's path across the window pane. Things just went down hill from there. Well between us at least. I don't want to remember this part, I bury my head in my hands. It hurts too much the pain is too fresh. Lightning flashes across the garden, striking a tree in the back yard. I jump out of the window seat, never taking my eyes off the tree. Alright, I'll finish. I don't want to but the memory overwhelms me and I sink back down on the edge of the window seat. Why does it feel like you're forcing me to remember?
The rain reflects my emotions. You will never know the pain it caused me when I had to make the decision to push you out of my life. The next part is what I remember the clearest. I know you've locked this part away. But you started this journey now you must finish it. I can't do it alone. My emotions strike out again. The next part is the hardest and will be easier if we go together.
James proposed after graduation. We married in the summer. You weren't there when Lily Evans became Lily Potter. Sirius was the best man. Aurora, your sister, your twin was my matron of honor. We all joined the Order. We saw each other briefly at meetings. We never said more than a passing hello or good bye. I loved you still, and I think you loved me too. We lost many friends, but our sadness wasn't complete. Soon I was pregnant with Harry. I stayed around the Head Quarters more. My skills as a healer were useful there. I saw the looks you gave me when no one was around, and you thought I couldn't see. Were you wishing I was your wife, that it was your child I carried? I guess I'll never know. We never spoke of it, we almost never spoke. James was as active as ever, and eventually you and Aurora were assigned to take me home at night. Then came that fateful night, another storm in a series of storms. This one was so violent, we couldn't fly. We were forced to walk since I couldn't handle any other form of travel. Aurora and I were chatting amicably about Harry's christening, and who would stand god parents. I was about to ask Aurora to stand as Harry's godmother when we were startled by four Death Eaters appearing in front of us. We fought a good fight. We were outnumbered but we were winning. All because of you. You were determined to save us all. And you did, soon they lay on the ground before us unconscious. We decided to risk Apparating back to the Head Quarters, just as we turned one of the Death Eaters regained consciousness. We thought him dead, but hadn't checked. He drew his wand to curse me, and before I could even scream you were in front of me taking the hit, that would have surely killed me. Aurora hexed him as I gathered you in my arms. Together we lifted you, and Apparated away. After reporting to Dumbledore, I went to check on you, but you were gone. Aurora and I held each other for a long time and cried. James came for me later, and we went home. Harry was born a few months later. I was overjoyed about his birth but still grieving.
I had heard about the Proposal. I was far away for your wedding. The whole Order was invited, but I couldn't bare it. Aurora had tried to tell me about it but I wouldn't listen. It killed me each time I saw that ring on your finger when you waved at me. That's all we got from each other. Was a wave. I would steal glances, but you caught me from time to time. Then you became more beautiful then I ever thought you could. You were to me a mother. James was off fighting so much you need someone to take you home. Me and Aurora got placed as your guards. It was pretty routine. Nothing happened for a long time. But that night it burned again. And I knew that night I had to be alert. As you and my sister spoke of young Harry to be. I watched over you both like hawk. Then when those Death Eaters popped out of no where I sprung into action. I had thrown curse and hexes that were not aloud. I had killed what I thought was two.The other two had escaped. When we turned to leave I heard movement behind us. I had turned to see one of the Death Eaters pointing there wand at you. Without thinking a jumped in front of you and let the curse hit me.
Harry's four months old now. I wish you could see him. I can only hope that he'll grow up some day to know a love as great as I've known, with out the sadness. I stand up and dry my tears for the last time. I am going to bed, there are no more memories to haunt me tonight. I check on Harry, making sure he's tucked in, and that the storm hasn't awoken him. He sleeps peacefully and I smile. Our bedroom door is closed, and I take a deep breath as I open it. The room is dark, the storm has passed. I can make out James' sleeping form. I am as quiet as a mouse, I do not want to wake him. I slide between the sheets, and cuddle up against him. He wraps his arm around me and strokes my hair. He's asleep. I kiss his cheek, and he hugs me tighter. He's a good man, and I love him. I love you too, Angelus. But don't worry there's plenty of room in my heart for you both. Goodnight my love, where ever you may be.
And now I'm here. Watching from above. Making sure you are safe and well. I never regret ever taking that curse for you. Dyeing for you. I will watch over you and your family until the end of your days. I'm sorry I had to remind you of such things, but you needed to let go. You are safe in your husbands arms. Let him be the one in your dreams. I hear you call out. I love you too. I always will, and I will wait for you.