Concertina
12-22-2007, 04:27 AM
Title: Another Life
Author: Deana aka Concertina
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Characters/Pairings: Bella/Jacob, Bella/Edward
Summary: Our choices leave permanent consequences...
Any Warnings: New Moon/Eclipse spoilers, lots of angst in the end
Betas: None
Notes:Technically, Twilight is being made into a movie, so I'm hoping that will make this okay to post *lol* I just finished reading the last two books in this series, and my Muse seemed to like the change in venue, because she suddenly smaked me upside the head with this, and when the Muse wants you to write...well, you can't really ignore it, hehe :p PLEASE please comment, this is my first Twilight fic and I need feedback! :D Oh and I only own the story, not the charries ;)
***
And if our dreams and our realities could become reverse,
the paths that led us apart could be erased
If we could be one and the same
as the world we once knew had meant for it to be
Perhaps then our life could be less bleak,
our pain not so hard to bear every day,
and our thoughts would not make us weep when we closed our eyes.
-Deana Rode
***
I woke up to familiar warm lips on my cheek.
“Wake up, Bells….time to face the day”
I groaned and threw a pillow over my face, muttering.
“Five more minutes…”
The sudden lurch of my bed and the touch of tiny hands sealed my fate.
“Mommy, wake up!”
I grumbled softly, resigned to having to wake up sooner than I really wanted. Last night had been a long night. The Quileutes, the Native American tribe that lived in La Push, just outside of Forks, had celebrated their ten year anniversary of peace. It had been a huge party, with all the boys dancing and rejoicing…Jared and Kim, Sam and Emily, Quil, Embry, Leah, and last but not least, Jacob and I.
The boys looked like they had when I was a teenager, but Jacob had given up his eternal youth, after three years of me aging and my endless complaints of the unjustness of it all. As I opened my eyes and turned to where I felt his warmth, I looked at my husband and smiled. His silky black hair was long and pulled into a tight ponytail, and though his copper skin was still flawless, the wisdom and first signs of entering middle age were beginning to show around his warm black eyes in the form of tiny wrinkles that crinkled whenever he grinned, like he was now.
“About time you woke up, silly,” he said with a chuckle, “The kids have been bouncing about in excitement all morning.
My sleep deprived mind was clouded with my nightly dreams of cold marble arms and a velvet voice I would never be able to forget, though I never told him that I had these dreams…it was better that way…and my eyes squinted in confusion. “Why?”
My son, Jacob Junior, was bouncing up and down on my bed, a smug look on his face at being able to do something his daddy couldn’t, as his father climbed up onto the bed beside me, roaring with the husky laughter that always made me smile brightly in return.
“Don’t tell me you don’t remember!” his laughter was infectious, and began to clear away the numbness in my mind that always came after reliving the intoxicating scent of a certain vampire. “What day is it?” My question seemed silly somehow, but I was still too under the influence so to speak to realize why.
Jacob was about to answer, but his son beat him to the punch, jumping onto my side and wrapping his tiny arms around my waist.
“Happy Birthday, Mommy!”
It took a second for the wheels in my mind to click, but when they did Reality came back to me full force. All I could manage out was “Oh!” and Jacob laughed again.
I sat up, Jacob quickly pulling the stray pillows behind me so I’d be comfortable, just as the door to our room opened and our oldest, Rosalie, walked in with a cake. “Happy birthday, Mom!” she said, and I smiled with joy.
Rosalie was born a year after we were married…the wheels in my head clicked into place again. Jacob noticed it, and chuckled as he gently pulled my face to him. “And happy Anniversary, Honey” he murmured, kissing my lips sweetly.
As our second oldest, Michael Edward, came in and the group sang Happy birthday to me, my memories filled my eyes. Jacob had wanted to get married on my birthday…he had said we couldn’t ask for a more significant indicator of our new life together. Months before, I was planning to marry another; a Vampire named Edward, and become one of them. I remember how only days after the battle with Victoria and her army of newborn Vampires had ended, and Alice was well underway with plans, I had realized something profound.
I was outside the marvelous white mansion the Cullen family lived in, and imagined my life living with them…Carlile and Esme always gushing over my well being, Emmett always challenging me, the newbie, to some sort of physical competition, Alice and Rosalie showing me just how much better designer clothes looked on me…and Edward. Being with him forever, it was all I had wanted…until I had realized that I was in love with two people, and the words Jacob had said to me the night I had decided to choose Edward.
“I wouldn’t be a drug to you…”
It was in that moment that clarity finally ripped the fantasy from my eyes.
I was hopelessly in love with Edward, yes, and I would be happy being with him until the end of time. But my love for him was exactly as Jacob described it; a drug…a marvelous, heavenly, yet lethal and unhealthy drug.
Cold arms wrapping around my waist alerted me of his presence, and as he kissed my neck softly I turned to face him, tears in my eyes…in the background, I heard Alice give a loud sob somewhere inside the house.
His hands cupped my face, like he always did, and looked into my eyes. I could see the pain that suddenly crossed his butterscotch irises, and then understanding and acceptance.
“I can’t do this.”
That was all I had to say.
He kissed my lips softly, with a hint of sadness that burned into my soul, before pulling away and with a long glance, walked back to the house and closed the front door. I hadn’t thought it would be so easy…but Edward loved me, and would do whatever it took to make me happy, even if it meant letting me go.
It was raining when I knocked on Billy’s door, running past him before he had a chance to say anything, and had busted into Jacob’s room, tears in my eyes and my body soaked to the bone, standing there panting as I looked at him, bedridden still from the battle he had fought with a newborn that had caused him to have almost all his ribs cracked.
We stared at each other for a long time in silence, and when he finally understood his own eyes filled with tears, and he silently extended his good arm and I was instantly at his side, both of us crying…him out of joy because I had chosen him, and while part of my tears were for the same reason, another, larger part of me was crying over losing the beautiful, godlike man who had chosen me to love for eternity.
On the day of our wedding, as I walked down the aisle on Charlie’s arm, I saw a shimmer in the distance that I knew all too well, and I almost cried. I knew I had made the right choice, but that part of me that had dedicate itself forever to him still grieved over the loss…and if I was honest with myself, that part never recovered from it.
The Cullens left the following week. I knew it would happen, but I had still hoped against it. Jacob comforted me as I wept…though his werewolf genes made him dislike Vampires, he had accepted Edward and his family because he knew I cared about them as if they were my family. A year later I was pregnant, and Jacob let me name our daughter Rosalie…she may have never been able to fulfill her dream of having a family, but maybe in some small way, by honoring her, her wish could be granted. Two years later Michael Edward was born, and while Jacob wasn’t keen on the middle name, I told him I would never forget him, and it was only fair to honor the person who had loved me as powerfully as Jacob did. When Rosalie was ten and Michael was eight, our third and youngest child, Jacob Junior, was born.
“Bells?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled happily at my family, and blew out the candles, my two year old helping me without much success.
After I had been treated to breakfast in bed and opened my gifts, Rosalie led the other kids out of the room, allowing Jacob and I to be alone.
He held me as I curled up beside him, the warmth from his body making me feel serene and at peace.
After an unknown length of content silence, Jacob moved one of his hands and began running his fingers through my hair. “I never do tell you enough how much I love you…and how happy I am that you chose me.”
The softness in his voice made me feel guilty…he knew that part of me that loved Edward had never left. I looked up into his loving eyes, and scooted up just enough to press my lips to his, leaving them there for a long time. When I pulled away I kissed his nose and he chuckled.
“I’ve never regretted my choice, and I never will.”
He pulled me closer to him, kissing the top of my head, and sighed happily. “I love you, Bella Black.”
“And I love you. Forever…”
* * * *
I sat upright in my bed, sweat beading across my forehead, my throat constricting the scream that wanted to come out.
My mind was whirling, and I was disoriented…why was it dark outside? Why was I in a dorm room…?
Instantly those cold arms I knew so well were around me, pulling to him. I blinked and looked up, and saw the liquid gold eyes that stared back with concern. Why was Edward here? Where was Jacob?
“Bella, wake up…”
He smoothed my hair, his perfect and cold fingers tracing my jaw, my lips, and my neck before caressing my arm. I blinked again, realizing I wasn’t dreaming.
The truth came back quickly.
I hadn’t married Jacob. I had no kids…and I wasn’t turning thirty three.
I had married Edward, though nobody but the Cullens knew…Charlie had thrown such a rage at the thought of me marrying right out of High School that he made me promise I would at least go to college for a year before committing. Alice was upset, but Edward had been firm…I wanted to give my parents a proper goodbye; my turning could wait. I had tried to object, but I knew better than to try and change his mind…when his mind was set, it was basically impossible. Instead we went to Vegas, like we had originally planned, and had a simple ceremony. I had decided that I wanted to marry him, no matter what, even if I had to wait and pretend I was obeying Charlie’s every word. It hadn’t helped that my mom had been upset too…I didn’t want to leave them like that.
We had gone to Dartmouth, like he wanted…I was still unhappy at him paying my tuition, but he had reminded me that as part of my agreement to marry him, he could use the massive wealth they had any way he pleased with me and while I still hated it in a way, I had grown to like being spoiled, just a little.
I dug my face into his neck, trying not to cry as I remembered. Billy had called me sixth months after I had left, to tell me that I had a right to know that Jacob had ran off soon after I had seen him last, and had never returned. The realization that day had burned me in a way that almost compared to how I felt when Edward had left me when I was eighteen, but different; while with Edward it had been similar to withdrawals (Jacob was right about the drug similarity, as much as I hated to admit it), the pain like acid burning away my insides, with Jacob it felt like I was in a constant state of blindness, as if the sun had been shot down from the sky.
I choked back a sob.
“Bella, talk to me…what’s wrong?”
I looked up into his glorious eyes. I’d never leave Edward, I never could. It didn’t stop the pain, though, but with him by my side it was bearable for the most part.
“I miss my sun.”
He looked down at me, sadness at seeing me sad filling his eyes. “I know, my Bella…I know.”
He held me there, and it comforted me. My body and my soul belonged to Edward, as did the majority of my heart.
And yet the small part of me that had dedicated itself to Jacob forever still wept at the loss…and if I was honest with myself, it would never recover from it.
Author: Deana aka Concertina
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Characters/Pairings: Bella/Jacob, Bella/Edward
Summary: Our choices leave permanent consequences...
Any Warnings: New Moon/Eclipse spoilers, lots of angst in the end
Betas: None
Notes:Technically, Twilight is being made into a movie, so I'm hoping that will make this okay to post *lol* I just finished reading the last two books in this series, and my Muse seemed to like the change in venue, because she suddenly smaked me upside the head with this, and when the Muse wants you to write...well, you can't really ignore it, hehe :p PLEASE please comment, this is my first Twilight fic and I need feedback! :D Oh and I only own the story, not the charries ;)
***
And if our dreams and our realities could become reverse,
the paths that led us apart could be erased
If we could be one and the same
as the world we once knew had meant for it to be
Perhaps then our life could be less bleak,
our pain not so hard to bear every day,
and our thoughts would not make us weep when we closed our eyes.
-Deana Rode
***
I woke up to familiar warm lips on my cheek.
“Wake up, Bells….time to face the day”
I groaned and threw a pillow over my face, muttering.
“Five more minutes…”
The sudden lurch of my bed and the touch of tiny hands sealed my fate.
“Mommy, wake up!”
I grumbled softly, resigned to having to wake up sooner than I really wanted. Last night had been a long night. The Quileutes, the Native American tribe that lived in La Push, just outside of Forks, had celebrated their ten year anniversary of peace. It had been a huge party, with all the boys dancing and rejoicing…Jared and Kim, Sam and Emily, Quil, Embry, Leah, and last but not least, Jacob and I.
The boys looked like they had when I was a teenager, but Jacob had given up his eternal youth, after three years of me aging and my endless complaints of the unjustness of it all. As I opened my eyes and turned to where I felt his warmth, I looked at my husband and smiled. His silky black hair was long and pulled into a tight ponytail, and though his copper skin was still flawless, the wisdom and first signs of entering middle age were beginning to show around his warm black eyes in the form of tiny wrinkles that crinkled whenever he grinned, like he was now.
“About time you woke up, silly,” he said with a chuckle, “The kids have been bouncing about in excitement all morning.
My sleep deprived mind was clouded with my nightly dreams of cold marble arms and a velvet voice I would never be able to forget, though I never told him that I had these dreams…it was better that way…and my eyes squinted in confusion. “Why?”
My son, Jacob Junior, was bouncing up and down on my bed, a smug look on his face at being able to do something his daddy couldn’t, as his father climbed up onto the bed beside me, roaring with the husky laughter that always made me smile brightly in return.
“Don’t tell me you don’t remember!” his laughter was infectious, and began to clear away the numbness in my mind that always came after reliving the intoxicating scent of a certain vampire. “What day is it?” My question seemed silly somehow, but I was still too under the influence so to speak to realize why.
Jacob was about to answer, but his son beat him to the punch, jumping onto my side and wrapping his tiny arms around my waist.
“Happy Birthday, Mommy!”
It took a second for the wheels in my mind to click, but when they did Reality came back to me full force. All I could manage out was “Oh!” and Jacob laughed again.
I sat up, Jacob quickly pulling the stray pillows behind me so I’d be comfortable, just as the door to our room opened and our oldest, Rosalie, walked in with a cake. “Happy birthday, Mom!” she said, and I smiled with joy.
Rosalie was born a year after we were married…the wheels in my head clicked into place again. Jacob noticed it, and chuckled as he gently pulled my face to him. “And happy Anniversary, Honey” he murmured, kissing my lips sweetly.
As our second oldest, Michael Edward, came in and the group sang Happy birthday to me, my memories filled my eyes. Jacob had wanted to get married on my birthday…he had said we couldn’t ask for a more significant indicator of our new life together. Months before, I was planning to marry another; a Vampire named Edward, and become one of them. I remember how only days after the battle with Victoria and her army of newborn Vampires had ended, and Alice was well underway with plans, I had realized something profound.
I was outside the marvelous white mansion the Cullen family lived in, and imagined my life living with them…Carlile and Esme always gushing over my well being, Emmett always challenging me, the newbie, to some sort of physical competition, Alice and Rosalie showing me just how much better designer clothes looked on me…and Edward. Being with him forever, it was all I had wanted…until I had realized that I was in love with two people, and the words Jacob had said to me the night I had decided to choose Edward.
“I wouldn’t be a drug to you…”
It was in that moment that clarity finally ripped the fantasy from my eyes.
I was hopelessly in love with Edward, yes, and I would be happy being with him until the end of time. But my love for him was exactly as Jacob described it; a drug…a marvelous, heavenly, yet lethal and unhealthy drug.
Cold arms wrapping around my waist alerted me of his presence, and as he kissed my neck softly I turned to face him, tears in my eyes…in the background, I heard Alice give a loud sob somewhere inside the house.
His hands cupped my face, like he always did, and looked into my eyes. I could see the pain that suddenly crossed his butterscotch irises, and then understanding and acceptance.
“I can’t do this.”
That was all I had to say.
He kissed my lips softly, with a hint of sadness that burned into my soul, before pulling away and with a long glance, walked back to the house and closed the front door. I hadn’t thought it would be so easy…but Edward loved me, and would do whatever it took to make me happy, even if it meant letting me go.
It was raining when I knocked on Billy’s door, running past him before he had a chance to say anything, and had busted into Jacob’s room, tears in my eyes and my body soaked to the bone, standing there panting as I looked at him, bedridden still from the battle he had fought with a newborn that had caused him to have almost all his ribs cracked.
We stared at each other for a long time in silence, and when he finally understood his own eyes filled with tears, and he silently extended his good arm and I was instantly at his side, both of us crying…him out of joy because I had chosen him, and while part of my tears were for the same reason, another, larger part of me was crying over losing the beautiful, godlike man who had chosen me to love for eternity.
On the day of our wedding, as I walked down the aisle on Charlie’s arm, I saw a shimmer in the distance that I knew all too well, and I almost cried. I knew I had made the right choice, but that part of me that had dedicate itself forever to him still grieved over the loss…and if I was honest with myself, that part never recovered from it.
The Cullens left the following week. I knew it would happen, but I had still hoped against it. Jacob comforted me as I wept…though his werewolf genes made him dislike Vampires, he had accepted Edward and his family because he knew I cared about them as if they were my family. A year later I was pregnant, and Jacob let me name our daughter Rosalie…she may have never been able to fulfill her dream of having a family, but maybe in some small way, by honoring her, her wish could be granted. Two years later Michael Edward was born, and while Jacob wasn’t keen on the middle name, I told him I would never forget him, and it was only fair to honor the person who had loved me as powerfully as Jacob did. When Rosalie was ten and Michael was eight, our third and youngest child, Jacob Junior, was born.
“Bells?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled happily at my family, and blew out the candles, my two year old helping me without much success.
After I had been treated to breakfast in bed and opened my gifts, Rosalie led the other kids out of the room, allowing Jacob and I to be alone.
He held me as I curled up beside him, the warmth from his body making me feel serene and at peace.
After an unknown length of content silence, Jacob moved one of his hands and began running his fingers through my hair. “I never do tell you enough how much I love you…and how happy I am that you chose me.”
The softness in his voice made me feel guilty…he knew that part of me that loved Edward had never left. I looked up into his loving eyes, and scooted up just enough to press my lips to his, leaving them there for a long time. When I pulled away I kissed his nose and he chuckled.
“I’ve never regretted my choice, and I never will.”
He pulled me closer to him, kissing the top of my head, and sighed happily. “I love you, Bella Black.”
“And I love you. Forever…”
* * * *
I sat upright in my bed, sweat beading across my forehead, my throat constricting the scream that wanted to come out.
My mind was whirling, and I was disoriented…why was it dark outside? Why was I in a dorm room…?
Instantly those cold arms I knew so well were around me, pulling to him. I blinked and looked up, and saw the liquid gold eyes that stared back with concern. Why was Edward here? Where was Jacob?
“Bella, wake up…”
He smoothed my hair, his perfect and cold fingers tracing my jaw, my lips, and my neck before caressing my arm. I blinked again, realizing I wasn’t dreaming.
The truth came back quickly.
I hadn’t married Jacob. I had no kids…and I wasn’t turning thirty three.
I had married Edward, though nobody but the Cullens knew…Charlie had thrown such a rage at the thought of me marrying right out of High School that he made me promise I would at least go to college for a year before committing. Alice was upset, but Edward had been firm…I wanted to give my parents a proper goodbye; my turning could wait. I had tried to object, but I knew better than to try and change his mind…when his mind was set, it was basically impossible. Instead we went to Vegas, like we had originally planned, and had a simple ceremony. I had decided that I wanted to marry him, no matter what, even if I had to wait and pretend I was obeying Charlie’s every word. It hadn’t helped that my mom had been upset too…I didn’t want to leave them like that.
We had gone to Dartmouth, like he wanted…I was still unhappy at him paying my tuition, but he had reminded me that as part of my agreement to marry him, he could use the massive wealth they had any way he pleased with me and while I still hated it in a way, I had grown to like being spoiled, just a little.
I dug my face into his neck, trying not to cry as I remembered. Billy had called me sixth months after I had left, to tell me that I had a right to know that Jacob had ran off soon after I had seen him last, and had never returned. The realization that day had burned me in a way that almost compared to how I felt when Edward had left me when I was eighteen, but different; while with Edward it had been similar to withdrawals (Jacob was right about the drug similarity, as much as I hated to admit it), the pain like acid burning away my insides, with Jacob it felt like I was in a constant state of blindness, as if the sun had been shot down from the sky.
I choked back a sob.
“Bella, talk to me…what’s wrong?”
I looked up into his glorious eyes. I’d never leave Edward, I never could. It didn’t stop the pain, though, but with him by my side it was bearable for the most part.
“I miss my sun.”
He looked down at me, sadness at seeing me sad filling his eyes. “I know, my Bella…I know.”
He held me there, and it comforted me. My body and my soul belonged to Edward, as did the majority of my heart.
And yet the small part of me that had dedicated itself to Jacob forever still wept at the loss…and if I was honest with myself, it would never recover from it.